“FUCK OFF! I SAW YOU HAD MONEY FOR A COUPLE BOTTLES OF WINE LAST NIGHT!” Beatie yelled from the kitchen. I was startled out of my peaceful sleep by shots fired in the ongoing war. I suppose a truce after last night was too much to hope for.
I just laid there while they argued, sometimes in some strange cryptic language. As if to speak in code so I, nor anyone else over hearing would know what they spoke of. By that point I was pretty sure I had a solid plan.
I found out last night that Rylynn was going to be moving in with her boyfriend in a couple months and I figured I likely had enough money, So I decided I would offer to buy out Rylynn’s debt so the waters would be calm till Rylynn left and we would go back to peace times
I decided to just talk to her. The next night after I got home from work me and Beatie stood in the dimly lit dining room and I decided I would make the offer to end the war between the two of them. Beatie as it turned out, had other plans.
“No dude.” she said “You shouldn’t have to do that.”
“I agree, but here we are.” I said back “But I just want things to quiet down, and this would satisfy your need to collect on the debt and then we can live in peace till Rylynn is gone. But-”
“But nothing, besides I got a fool proof plan to make her pay.” she said.
I'll be honest, I've been around long enough to know there is no such thing as a fool proof plan. In fact, fool proof plans are, themselves, usually pretty god damned foolish. I cleared my throat and tried to re position my posture “And that plan is?” I asked eagerly.
“I stopped paying our rent two months ago, that way the land lord will have to take us to court and force her to.” she paused for dramatic effect “PAY UP BITCH!”
I looked at her, no hiding this confused as fuck face. “But she is moving in a couple months.” I said.
“So?”
“So, Rylynn will be long gone by the time we have to go to court.” I said. My mind raced, the high level of plain old ignorance in her plan was astonishing, it was hard to know where to start. “Dude, that is in NO WAY, how the law works.” I said
“Uh yeah dude, I googled it. I’ve done my research.” She said. Now, I agree that a person can learn a lot about this world, including the law, on the interwebs. But, to apply that knowledge requires learning experiences only lawyers and paralegals know. I fucking hate them, but like fire arms, nuclear weapons, or Michael Jackson's father they are a necessary evil.
I quickly calculated what this could mean for me. “So, you haven’t been paying my parking?” I asked.
“No that’s part of it.”
“What the fuck dude, my car is at risk of being towed, I can’t afford that shit.” I pondered for a second. “Fuck I can't even really afford the car here in parking ticket city.”
“Oh, your car is fine.” She said dismissively.
“Man, just take my fucking deal, please. Court could take well over a year.” I begged
“This is happening.” She said “I don’t really give a shit about what your opinion on it is, like you said before, you're not even on the lease.” Her smug, fuck you, demeanor was a familiar one. I saw her act like this toward Rylynn and a few other people recently. Her focus was now on me as well.
I was pissed, she just wanted her pound of flesh, and for what? Money? Though I still suspected there was more at play, in this case following the money just wasn’t enough to solve the mystery. “Fuck B.” I said as I rubbed my temples in frustration, knowing what my next move had to be. “If you do this, if you play the game this way, I have to find another place for both me and my car.”
“Do what you gotta do man. “She said with a hint of doubt in her voice. She fucked off to her room leaving me with my last option.
I knew what I had to do so I wasted no time doing it.
I went to my room and jumped online and did a quick search. Within forty-five minutes I booked a viewing for a place a few blocks away for the next morning. Sixteen hours later I found myself in the same dining room with B.
“I'm leaving at the end of the month.” I said. She spent the next ten minutes cursing me out and calling me ungrateful and several other things that were none too kind words in reference to my personal appearance and hygiene.
“All I wanted was peace.” I said “I paid you for everything, I drove you all over the city. I'm done.” This time, it was my turn to fuck off to my room.
My countdown to exit had begun. If I was home, I was in my room. Beatie had stopped selling me weed so I had to ration the rest of what I had. Times were tough. Beatie was under the impression I was going to pay her an additional month rent, like a lease holder would have to. Of course I wasn’t though like she said, I’m no lease holder. I never corrected her though, with her recent irrational approach and somewhat unstable condition I wasn’t going to let her know and spend the rest of my time here dodging mortars.
The next twenty-eight days was, for the most part, the same four actions. Drive to work, drive at work, drive home and listen the Beatie pounding away at Rylynnes door and starting fights driving them further into the depths of hate and anger.
The nice thing about not having a lot of possessions is that trying to move on the down-low is much easier to do. I just wanted to slip out unnoticed. I wasn’t the only one with that plan. Rylynn snuck out four days ago. Beatie was pissed and on high alert. But she quickly found someone to take the room.
I caught a break and got the keys for my new place a few days early and had snuck most of my shit out and over there on my way to work. My luck ran out however when Beatie caught me carrying the last load out to my car.
“Where is my money for next month?” she asked “The rent you owe me!” she added
I stood there in the living room frozen mid step, my winter coat on, bag on my back, iMac under my arm just ten fucking feet from the front door of freedom.
“I already paid you B.” I said
“For next month dude, you owe for February. You told me you would pay last months rent.” She said, her spiking blood pressure was evident in her face.
“I did, I'm not paying for a month I’m not here.” I said. Needless to say, she was pissed. let's just say I have not been called that man names since I was in school. At least she was kind of justified though.
Everything had happened so fast again, another frantic lateral move. A desperate bid for survival and grasp at hope. That weekend my father drove down to the city with a moving truck bringing with him my old queen size bed and a hand me down couch from my brother in-law.
I thanked him as best as my broke ass could. The fast move drained my money to a big pile of pocket change. I always felt like such a letdown to my family. My long list of failures and misfires should have sunk me long ago. I knew I was lucky to have a family with the ability to help me up when I had fallen down, I just didn’t think I deserved it. Frankly what I deserved was in the for front of my mind as yet again, they bailed me out of another fucked up situation.
Monday rolled around and I was at work driving away when my phone blew up with texts and phone call. Ten texts, all from Beatie. A series of texts accusing me of stealing an old pan and bed sheets. it was completely insane. So, I pulled my forklift into the back of a truck where I wouldn’t be seen and told her I didn’t have any of her stuff. SHOCKER, she didn’t believe me.
She was relentless in her barrage of texts and unanswered phone calls. I figured she would eventually just give up and move on. Two days later I was in my fork unloading a truck when she sent me yet another text, this time she was threatening to sue me. Of course I knew she wouldn’t sue me over a fucking pan and bed sheet but I decided to reply anyway.
“B, I didn’t take your shit. Never call or text me again. I'm done with this shit.” and send. I kept working. I had a card to play if she didn’t stop harassing me, I just really didn’t want to have to play it. Of course though, her need to be the winner, the need to gain vengeance over her perceived victimization overrode my request for a cease fire. The texting never stopped. So, my hand was forced to play a card of cowardice. I was that desperate for peace and just to move on.
“B” I typed “I drove you out to a warehouse north of the city, your dealers grow op.” I took a breath and typed my bloated bluff. “If you don’t leave me alone, I just know the pigs will find out about it's location and existence.”
My thumb hung over the send button while I considered the cowardice of the move. Of course I would never rat on anyone for that. Fuck that, I'm no snitch piece of shit. But I was counting on her thinking I was. Not the best plan ever, but I looked back up at her previous messages.
“Fuck this bitch.” I said to myself.
Send.
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